Reasons.... :-)

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my kids. Words cannot express how much I love them. They are the greatest blessing I have ever received in my life. They bring me joy, teach me so much, fill my life with love and have given my life purpose.

Some have judged me harshly for leaving my family this summer. They do not comprehend how I can shirk my responsibilities as a wife and a mother and run north to Idaho. I can understand their frustration, confusion, and questions. How can they possibly know what has brought me to this point? To them all I can say is look at the big picture. You know me. You know how much I love Madi and Jack. You know how much I love Jeff. Knowing this.... how miserable must I have been to make this decision?

I have tried for three long years to make the best of an increasingly frustrating and hurtful situation. As I grew more unhappy I grew more demanding, I escaped in my computer for hours on end, and I ate and ate and ate to the point I have almost killed myself with food alone. This is not who I am.

I needed a break from the constant feelings of worthlessness and loneliness. I needed a break from being angry all of the time. I needed a break from eating myself to death.

And honestly, they need a break from me.

There are many things Jeff and I need to work on if we are going to stay together. I will not list his shortcomings here. Just know that neither one of us are innocent in this much needed break.

Where things will go from here are completely up in the air. But the love I have for Madi, Jack, and Jeff has never been the question. I love them with all my heart and always will no matter where I am. So with many prayers, the Bishop's approval, and most importantly the Lord's approval I have headed north to heal, learn, grow, and to find out where to go from here. :-)